she has an attitude but it's never rude

she keeps a level mood it helps her get through

NEW YEARS. 2009 was so fucked up.
my only resoution is to make better decisions.
not to be confused with 'morally better decisions'.

i have no plans to smoke/roll/trip less, but i'd like to keep my nose clean.
i dont want to lose weight, but i need to work out more.
i feel no need to have more or less sex, but the men need to be ... better. in every sense of the word.
i'm not cutting down on drinking, but it would be nice to blackout less.
i dont need anymore friends, i'd like to be a better one.
more tattoos/piercings, less pills.
spend $$ more wisely, go to more shows.
get a bomb internship, apply for Athens.


done && done

so much heaven i know im going to hell

love: F-E-L-T feltfeltfelt
i love you like a rap kid loves breaks

stay fly, get high, and fuck you

again i lay in the darkness not at all noticing the hours drifting by.

it's kind of like

delusion. or

a bell jar

the definition of over doesnt have to be the end

i love him,
i love him not

pissing everywhere isn't very Chanel

i need to be able to do whatever the fuck i want whenever the fuck i want.

i can't have anyone tell me what to do, if only for the fact that it is a waste of their time. no one really understands me or knows me truly, purposefully. i need to be able to figure things out in my own, complex mind.

i despise children and pity fat people. most things bore me.

i like music and reading and creativity. but i'm not a frustrated artist or writer, i'm not frustrated by anything at all. i have my talents but i have a constant, nagging feeling that i could be doing better in almost all areas, it's like there's a glass wall that i can't get to the other side of. that might be ambition or drive, but i doubt it.

'i don't want to be real in people's minds. i want to be an apparition.'